Monday, March 29, 2010
I'm a celeb-retard, donkey-punch me in the neck!
The new season of Dancing with the Stars should be borderline amazing. It's about time they got some women on the show that have a little bit of attitude.
Shannen Doherty will be available in case Kate Gosselin gets out of line and needs her extensions pulled out. If you put a Pussycat Doll and Pamela Anderson in the same room together, eventually they'll discover that they've slept with the same person, and one of them will attack the other with a glitter pen.
Although I doubt the reason they hired Pam was for drama. They probably just figured with her they'd save money on personal trailers. You connect the dots.
Labels:
Entertainment,
Funny
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Makeup Regimant Refresh Your Knowlege and Your Look
Step 1: Foundation
● Evens out skin tone and provides a smooth surface for other makeup products
● Three types: liquid, cream, and powder
● Intensity Levels: Light, Light-Medium, Medium, and Deep
● Test on your upper test on your jaw line to find the
Best match.
Anew Age-Transforming Foundation SPF 15
Ideal Shade Smooth Mineral Foundation
Ideal Shade Liquid Foundation SPF 10
Step 2: Concealer
● Covers up imperfections, blemishes, under-eye circles
● Apply to trouble spots and blend gently. Under eyes, corners of your nose around your mouth.
Anew Age-Transforming Concealer SPF 15
Beyond Color Radiant Lifting Concealer
Ideal Shade Concealer Stick
Step 3: Powder
● Sets foundation and concealer
● Gives the skin a finished look
● Eliminates shine around the T-zone
● Two types: pressed and loose
Anew Beauty Age Transforming Pressed Powder SPF 15
Ideal Shade Loose Powder
Step 4: Eye shadow
● Accents and defines the shape of the eye
● Three types: cream, pencil, and powder
● Choose a shade that complements your eye color
Anew Eye-Lifting Serum Shadow
Beyond Color Radiant Lifting Eyeshadow (cream)
Perfect Wear Extralasting Powder Eyeshadow
True Color Eyeshadow
Step 5: Eye liner
● Enhances the shape and color of the eye
● Lashes appear thicker and more defined
● Three types: pencil, retractable, and liquid
● Many waterproof options
Anew Smoothing Eye Liner
Glimmersticks Eye Liner
Perfect Wear Eyewriter Liquid Eye Liner
Ultra Luxury Eye Liner
Step 6: Brow pencil
● Defines and shapes the eyebrows
● Use a pencil that matches your hair color
Glimmersticks Brow Definer
Ultra Luxury Brow Liner
Step 7: Blush
● Adds color and glow to the face
● Two types: powder and cream
● Look for a color close to your natural skin tone
Be Blushed Cheek Color
True Color Blush
Step 8: Mascara
● Lashes appear longer, thicker, and darker
● Eyes look bigger and more awake
● Different formulas for volume, length, curl, or definition
Daring Curves Mascara
Daring Definition Mousse Mascara
SuperFull Mascara
Uplifting Mascara
Wash-off Waterproof Mascara
Step 9: Lip product
● Colors, defines and protects the lips
● Color families: Pinks, Roses & Mauves, Plums & Wines, Reds, Nudes & Browns, Peaches & Corals
● Satin, sheer, shimmer, or metallic
Beyond Color Plumping Lipcolor SPF 15
Glazewear Liquid Lip Color
Perfect Wear Extralasting Lipstick
Pro-to-Go Lipstick
Ultra Color Rich Lipstick
Ultra Color Rich 24K Gold Lipstick
Step 10: Lip liner
● Defines the shape of the lip
● Prevents lipstick from feathering or bleeding
● Helps lip color last longer
● Two types: retractable and pencil
Glimmersticks Lip Liner
Ultra Luxury Lip Liner
www.youravon.com/ashwartz
Sunshine award!:)
Thank you, Amberlynn, http://fugitivefirefly.blogspot.com/ for this lovely award :) I'm sorry to post it so late..
Now, as with any award, there are rules that must followed.
1) Post the logo within your blog or post
2) Pass the award onto 12 fellow bloggers
3) Link the nominees within your post
4) Let the nominees know they have received an award by commenting on their blog'
5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.
My 12 bloggers:
http://www.readmylifeascarrie.blogspot.com/
http://tammystwocents-tammy.blogspot.com/
http://kaseysbloggy-blog.blogspot.com/
http://completelyeclipsed.blogspot.com/
http://www.reallifereslers.com/
http://www.kelleysfamilyjewels.blogspot.com/
http://susan-mythoughts.blogspot.com/
http://bilslandfamily.blogspot.com/
http://www.safehomehappymom.com/
http://www.mommylivingthelifeofriley.com
http://howcouldyounott.blogspot.com/
http://agirlinagorillasuit.blogspot.com/
Labels:
award
Award! award! I smell award!
"This award means you're really going places, Baby. You'll still be blogging about your great adventures 10 years from now, and I'll still be reading them."
Thank you Jen at Review Retreat http://www.reviewretreat.com for passing this along to me! If you haven't been to Jen's Blog, please stop by. She has lots of great savings, giveaways, freebies and more!
The Rules:
■Link back to the blogger who sent you this award
■Post where you would like to be in 10 years
■Pass it on to 10 other special bloggers!
In 10 years, I want to see myself happy, healthy, laughing, peaceful, loving fulfilling family life.
All is well in my world....
I would like to pass this award to:
1. http://www.anythingfitsanakedman.blogspot.com/
2. http://choices-lovetoteach.blogspot.com/
3. http://iwaitforthatday.blogspot.com/ I've been thinking
4. http://www.mamastillwearsgucci.com/
5. http://mrsblogalot.blogspot.com/
6. http://mageebaby.blogspot.com/
7. http://hopechella.blogspot.com/
8. http://ameliorationofang.blogspot.com/
9. http://lovelyviolet5.blogspot.com/
10. http://www.letshaveacocktail.com/
Now go celebrate your winning :)
Labels:
award
Friday, March 26, 2010
English Phrase = Chinese Phrase
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
Are you hiding a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man - Dum Gai
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. - Ai Bang Mai Ni
It's very dark in here. - Wai So Dim
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao long Wei Ting?
An unauthorized execution. - Lin Ching.
I thought you were on a diet? - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty! - Wai Hang Mi?
Please stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?
They have arrived. - Hai Dei Kum.
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. - Wa Sing Ka.
Your body odor is offensive. - Yu Stin Ki Pu
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song
Labels:
Entertainment,
Funny
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Do your 10 minute yoga practice today
Lets try this yoga moves for beginners. It’s only 10 minutes long, try it today and see how you feel. It’s absolutely make me feel amazing . My all body feels stronger more flexible, and it makes me feel so good about myself.
What's Her Best Hair? Game
What's Her Best Hair?See the stars' latest cuts and color changes – and then vote on which hairstyle you like best?
KATHERINE HEIGL
Could the TV doctor be returning to Grey's Anatomy with a totally new look after swapping her signature blonde for brunette?
KELLY OSBOURNE
The style risk-taker got colorful at a fashion event in L.A., adding a lavender wash to her platinum coif.
KRISTEN STEWART
The Runaways star isn't just a makeup chameleon. She's equally adept at changing up her hair, taming it into a sleek back-swept style.
LAUREN CONRAD
After adapting her signature twist-front hairstyle into a pretty updo for a party in Hollywood, Lauren headed to a Florida book signing for her new novel Sweet Little Lies with her long hair loose and bangs swept back with a thin headband.
Labels:
Beauty,
Entertainment,
Hair
Makeup Tips & How To: Eyes
Optical Illusions
Play with light and dark shades of eyeshadow to enhance the size of eyes or to bring eyes further or closer apart.
1. BRING WIDE-SET EYES CLOSER TOGETHER
Apply darker colors at the inner half of your lids, closest to the nose.
2. MAKE CLOSE-SET EYES APPEAR WIDER APART
Highlight inner corners with a light flesh-tone liner and shimmery pearl shadow.
3. MAKE SMALL EYES LOOK BIGGER
Line lower lids with a nude or very light color liner to make the whites of your eyes brighter.
4. MAKE EYES REALLY POP
Add a pale iridescent shadow in the center of lids and line lower inner lids with a white liner.
www.youravon.com/ashwartz
Play with light and dark shades of eyeshadow to enhance the size of eyes or to bring eyes further or closer apart.
1. BRING WIDE-SET EYES CLOSER TOGETHER
Apply darker colors at the inner half of your lids, closest to the nose.
2. MAKE CLOSE-SET EYES APPEAR WIDER APART
Highlight inner corners with a light flesh-tone liner and shimmery pearl shadow.
3. MAKE SMALL EYES LOOK BIGGER
Line lower lids with a nude or very light color liner to make the whites of your eyes brighter.
4. MAKE EYES REALLY POP
Add a pale iridescent shadow in the center of lids and line lower inner lids with a white liner.
www.youravon.com/ashwartz
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Makeup tricks how to?
Face Shaping:
You can use foundation or pressed powder to accentuate your best features and minimize the others. All you need are 3 different shades: Base – a shade that matches your skin exactly. Highlight – a shade lighter. Contour – a shade darker. The Highlight shade brings features forward. The Contour shade makes them recede.
NARROW YOUR NOSE
Highlight down the center of your nose to the width that you want to appear, then place contour on either side of the nose. Blend well.
SOFTEN A HEAVY JAW LINE
Shade around square jawline to make that area recede and create a more oval shape. Blend borders with a base shade.
GET HIGH CHEEKBONES
Shade round cheeks to make them recede, then highlight top of cheekbones to make them more prominent and lifted like those of a model. Blend base to borders…beautiful!
www.youravon.com/ashwartz
You can use foundation or pressed powder to accentuate your best features and minimize the others. All you need are 3 different shades: Base – a shade that matches your skin exactly. Highlight – a shade lighter. Contour – a shade darker. The Highlight shade brings features forward. The Contour shade makes them recede.
NARROW YOUR NOSE
Highlight down the center of your nose to the width that you want to appear, then place contour on either side of the nose. Blend well.
SOFTEN A HEAVY JAW LINE
Shade around square jawline to make that area recede and create a more oval shape. Blend borders with a base shade.
GET HIGH CHEEKBONES
Shade round cheeks to make them recede, then highlight top of cheekbones to make them more prominent and lifted like those of a model. Blend base to borders…beautiful!
www.youravon.com/ashwartz
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Bad acting, bad activism, bad habit.
Reportedly, India is considering adding Lindsay Lohan's name to the country's immigration blacklist.
Apparently when she went there to shoot a documentary about sex trafficking, she wasn't on a work visa. She drew tons of attention to herself by tweeting that she "saved" 40 children in a sweatshop raid. People that participated in that raid say it was done before she got there and are urging the country to ban her from returning.
Things can't be going great in your life when an entire country wants to ban you. Please let her back in. We can't deal with her anymore.
Apparently when she went there to shoot a documentary about sex trafficking, she wasn't on a work visa. She drew tons of attention to herself by tweeting that she "saved" 40 children in a sweatshop raid. People that participated in that raid say it was done before she got there and are urging the country to ban her from returning.
Things can't be going great in your life when an entire country wants to ban you. Please let her back in. We can't deal with her anymore.
Labels:
Entertainment
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Eternal Magic for Mother's Day :)
Eternal Magic Eau de Toilette Spray
Remember to take full advantage of Avon's newest fragrance, Eternal Magic for Mother's Day sales. Zoë Saldana , a bright, young actress and star of the hit movie Avatar, brings an unforgettable grace and her own magical allure as the face behind Eternal Magic. Plus, with every Eternal Magic Eau de Toilette Spray you purchase in the C-9 Brochure, you will receive a FREE three-piece Gift Collection that includes a full-size tube of Eternal Magic Body Lotion, Shower Gel and a Gift Bag (a $20 value).
I have it in stock now ! How many do you want ? I can also have it sent to you.
3-PIECE ETERNAL MAGIC GIFT COLLECTION $24.00
Includes:
Eternal Magic Eau de Toilette Spray
• Full-Size Body Lotion
6.7 fl. oz.
a $10.00 value!
• Full-Size Shower Gel
6.7 fl. oz.
a $10.00 value!
• 1 Gift Bag
get it now! www.youravon.com/ashwartz
or email me anatdoll@yahoo.com
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Apparently Rielle Hunter isn't happy with the photos used in her recent GQ spread. Barbara Walters said on The View that she spoke to Hunter who "was in tears" over the shots. In one of the photos, Rielle's belly is exposed while she lies with her two-year-old daughter. Let me get this straight!!! She is ashamed of her belly and not ashamed of sleeping with a married man?!?!?!?!
Walters asked Hunter why she is upset since she obviously posed for the pictures, to which Hunter responded she trusted the photographer and "went with the flow."
When Hunter saw the photos that were used, she told Walters that she "screamed for 2 hours." I'm sure the baby feels just as humiliated.
She should be more upset over the lack of judgment she used in actually posing for a GQ spread when her only claim to fame is the she got knocked up by a married presidential candidate. And "screamed for 2 hours?" Who has that much time on their hands?
Labels:
Entertainment,
Funny,
Relationship
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
I don’t know why my hubby makes such a big deal when I’m trying to help him drive. We all need a little help to point us in the right direction. I simply point out all the things “we” are doing wrong while we are trying to get to our final destination. Here is my simple direction to him: “we are going right” Him: “I know” Me “ho no! watch out!! Didn’t you see this car coming? You need to be more defensive when driving” Him: “do you want to drive?” Me (completely ignore the remark and keep helping him drive)
“ I think you need to get in the left lane”. Him: “I know”. ME: “so why aren’t you?” Him” am I driving? Or you? Me “why you going so slow? Pick up the pace, you driving like my grandma” Him “ dear God help me to not choke this woman” . Me: “ are you sawing a dress for yourself with this car? It feels like you are, this all break and go thing , that you doing just not working for me.” Him: “dear God just kill me now! Please I can’t take it no more.” ME:” LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! You got to turn LEFT!”
I don’t know why he makes such a big deal..I’m only trying to help….
Labels:
Funny,
Relationship
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Get a virtual makeover!
http://shop.avon.com/shop/landing.aspx?department=vmo3
Friday, March 19, 2010
Go on the 30 day diet.- I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days
Mermaid or Whale?
I saw an add in a magazine featuring a young, thin and tanned woman, it was a gym add to anchorage you to get in shape, and this is what it said
: "THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"
My physical characteristics does not match those of the woman in the magazine, Really?! Yes! Big shocker. My responded
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends [dolphins, sea lions, curious humans]. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
Footnote:
We are in an age when the media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my family, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated, happy and pleasantly plump. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ‘Good gosh, look how smart I am!
What Women Want in a Man. Age 20-70
What Women Want in a Man:
What Women Want in a Man. Age 20
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover
What Women Want in a Man. Age 30
Nice looking [prefer hair on his head]
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at my jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week
What Women Want in a Man. Age 40
»Not too ugly [bald head OK]
Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I'm talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends
What Women Want in a Man. Age 50
Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
Doesn't belch or scratch in public
Doesn't borrow money too often
Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Remembers your name on occasion
Shaves some weekends
What Women Want in a Man. Age 60
Doesn't scare small children
Remembers where bathroom is
Doesn't require much money for upkeep
Only snores lightly when asleep
Remembers why he's laughing
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
Usually wears some clothes
Likes soft foods
Remembers where he left his teeth
Remembers that it's the weekend
What Women Want in a Man. Age 70+
Breathing
Doesn't miss the toilet
Labels:
Funny,
Relationship
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Life Unplucked, The Hairy Truth:)
Forget American Express.
Don't leave home without your tweezers. The car is the best place to pluck .
Ever notice a weird, freakishly long hair growing in a truly inappropriate place?
It's usually a different thickness, texture and even color than any of your other hair just to add to the over-all creepiness of it.
Invariably this horrifying discovery occurs when you have been out all day, among tons of people, including your so-called friends!
You just know that everyone that saw you was thinking to themselves, how could anyone have a huge gross hair growing under their chin and not do anything about it?
Frankly, my eyesight is not what it used to be, plus, these mutant hairs literally
appear overnight.
When you hit a certain age all remaining fertility migrates north to the higher elevations. Now all the hair except the hair on the top of your head, grows at an accelerated pace. It is not humanly possible to keep up.
Your only weapons are a highly magnified mirror and surgical quality tweezers.
Warning: Take the necessary precautions. Keep them under lock and key!
I have personally been involved in missing tweezer induced rage.
Under certain circumstances it can become nearly homicidal in nature.
Trust me, you do not want to go there.
Another Dream Shattered !!
we can all stop looking!!
Someone finally managed to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow.
Take a look at my giveaway:)
Someone finally managed to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow.
Take a look at my giveaway:)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I Love You and I Hate You Too!
Love and hate are as opposite as two emotions can be, yet couples often can relate to both extremes when describing their romantic relationship. How can this be? How can you feel extreme adoration for a person then loathe them minutes later?
If you're having serious marital problems, seek help right away. The average couple waits six years before seeking marital counseling, which means they're living unhappily for far too long.
You should also become aware of the certainty vs. uncertainty principle, which is a hidden cause of many divorces and may also help explain your emotional variances of love and hate.
When we have great "certainty" there is an urge for most of us to seek “uncertainty.” In the case of marriage, your “certainty” quotient is filled, your relationship steady and secure.
Yet, for many of us this potentially good feeling turns into boredom and staleness, and invokes a sense of not being fully alive or excited any longer. This then drives us to seek the other end of the spectrum, or look for “uncertainty.”
When you realize the dynamics of certainty vs. uncertainty -- and the fact that we often seek out that which we do not have -- you can take steps to remedy the situation before you engage in an activity that harms your marriage.
Essential Tips for a Happy Relationship
While emotional high and low points are normal in every relationship, physical or emotional abuse is not. If you’re suffering from the latter, you should seek help immediately. Likewise, if your partner is overwhelmingly focused on the “hate” side of the emotional spectrum, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Making your relationship stronger by:
Keeping communication lines open
Good communication is essential to any marriage and communicating openly and honestly about finances, children and your feelings will build a strong bond between the two of you. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Talk to them and let your feelings be known.
Connecting with your spouse with physical touch and physical activity
A touch on the shoulder or back, hugs and kisses are all forms of staying connected with each other and can make a big difference in the strength of your relationship. Further, one of the BEST ways to improve your intimate life, for both men and women, is the simple lifestyle habit of exercise.
Exercise will not only relieve stress but also helps you feel sexier and increases your self-esteem.
Compromise: We all want things our own way and there is a tendency by some to villainize those who either don’t agree with us and or those who are unwilling participants in accepting our ideas or interests. While love is sometimes confused temporarily with lust or infatuation, true love reveals itself by your caring enough to reach a compromise.
Compassion: Love is about alignment yet in truth what love is most is compromise by both parties having compassion, with both willing to find a center point of caring and sharing a healthy loving relationship.
Practicing the art of forgiveness
Forgiving your spouse is a way of saying that you know nobody is perfect, including yourself, and that you understand everyone makes mistakes. Forgive, pick up where you left off and move on with life.
Labels:
Relationship
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
A week at the gym
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a pilates instructora faw years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT !! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing
machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't
have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds !!!
We all need a good laugh!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Flip Your Karma
It’s all in your mind. Here are 8 tricks I use to turn anything bad into something truly awesome.
The power of positive thinking
if you realize that it’s just negative thinking, you can squash that negative thought like a little bug. Then replace it with a positive thought (I CAN do this!) and you’re back on the road to success. Recognize negative thoughts, squash them, and find positive thoughts to replace them. Works every time.
Failure is a stepping stone to success.
This is what I tell myself every time I fall. I get up, dust myself off, and start again. Each failure shows you an obstacle you didn’t anticipate, and you can plan to beat that obstacle next time. Each failure brings you that much closer to winning. And you know what? Every single time I’ve told myself that, so far, it’s been true. I’ve succeeded. Getting back up is the main thing.
Practice patience.
This is what I tell myself when I get frustrated, when someone is difficult, when I begin to lose my patience. First, I vent somehow (talking to a friend or my famile is one of the best ways for me). Then, I tell myself that this is a great way for me to practice my patience. Sometimes, I have to repeat this to myself like a mantra, but it works nonetheless.
Learning experience.
Similar to the “stepping stone to success” trick above, but it can be used for anything, not just failure. If I make a mistake, if I make the wrong choice, if I have a bad day … I just see it as an opportunity to learn. Then I review it in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to learn from my mistakes. If you see learning as a wonderful thing, as I do, then you can see every mistake as a blessing.
Makes you stronger.“
That which does not kill us only makes us stronger,” goes the famous saying. And while that’s not always true (sometimes we can be left weakened and ruined), I’ve found it to be true in most cases. Something is difficult? I will be a stronger person for having endured it. This has been the case for me when I went through problems as a teen-ager. when I went through a divorce seven years ago, when I had stressful and trying times at various jobs. I became a better person because of it.
Test of your character.
I like tests and challenges. It motivates me to step up to another level, to see if I can meet the challenge. This is true any time you go through a trying time — see it as a challenge, and try to meet that challenge. And when you do, you’ll feel great about yourself.
Turn the other cheek.
Jesus said that instead of taking an eye for an eye, if someone hits you, just turn the other cheek. I don’t know many people who can meet this monumental challenge. I’ve tried it. It’s not easy, and the desire to avenge any wrongs is hard to quash. However, I believe that even making an effort at this will make you a better person. It goes not just for physical wrongs to you, but anything that anyone does to you. They call you a name? Thank them. There will be some people who say that you have to meet force with force, or people will walk all over you. To this I say, “Where does it end?” And I also say, “You are merely stooping to their level.” Rise above the pettiness of others, and become a better human being.
Love your enemy.
One of life’s greatest challenges, and it belongs on this list. When you have anger toward another human being, give this a try. If you succeed, to any degree whatsoever, you will rejoice in this success. It is a miraculous thing.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill
Labels:
Life,
positive thinking
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Are you joking me with this S@#$% ?!
In a interview with Barbara Walters, Mo'Nique discussed her marriage. She explained that she has never strayed outside of her marriage but that if her husband did, she would not consider it a "deal-breaker."
Well if she's not going to shave her legs then I think it's only fair he gets to sleep with other women.
She said that things happen, and that often people get into marriages and "don't know who they're laying next to." That only happens to me when I drink...lol
Walters challenged her and asked how she would feel if her husband cheated 20 times, to which she replied "so what?" No kidding. If you're sleeping with Mo'Nique, it's already the equivalent of 20 women.
Well if she's not going to shave her legs then I think it's only fair he gets to sleep with other women.
She said that things happen, and that often people get into marriages and "don't know who they're laying next to." That only happens to me when I drink...lol
Walters challenged her and asked how she would feel if her husband cheated 20 times, to which she replied "so what?" No kidding. If you're sleeping with Mo'Nique, it's already the equivalent of 20 women.
Labels:
Entertainment,
Funny
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