Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Love and hate are as opposite as two emotions can be, yet couples often can relate to both extremes when describing their romantic relationship. How can this be? How can you feel extreme adoration for a person then loathe them minutes later?
If you're having serious marital problems, seek help right away. The average couple waits six years before seeking marital counseling, which means they're living unhappily for far too long.
You should also become aware of the certainty vs. uncertainty principle, which is a hidden cause of many divorces and may also help explain your emotional variances of love and hate.
When we have great "certainty" there is an urge for most of us to seek “uncertainty.” In the case of marriage, your “certainty” quotient is filled, your relationship steady and secure.
Yet, for many of us this potentially good feeling turns into boredom and staleness, and invokes a sense of not being fully alive or excited any longer. This then drives us to seek the other end of the spectrum, or look for “uncertainty.”
When you realize the dynamics of certainty vs. uncertainty -- and the fact that we often seek out that which we do not have -- you can take steps to remedy the situation before you engage in an activity that harms your marriage.
Essential Tips for a Happy Relationship
While emotional high and low points are normal in every relationship, physical or emotional abuse is not. If you’re suffering from the latter, you should seek help immediately. Likewise, if your partner is overwhelmingly focused on the “hate” side of the emotional spectrum, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Making your relationship stronger by:
Keeping communication lines open
Good communication is essential to any marriage and communicating openly and honestly about finances, children and your feelings will build a strong bond between the two of you. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Talk to them and let your feelings be known.
Connecting with your spouse with physical touch and physical activity
A touch on the shoulder or back, hugs and kisses are all forms of staying connected with each other and can make a big difference in the strength of your relationship. Further, one of the BEST ways to improve your intimate life, for both men and women, is the simple lifestyle habit of exercise.
Exercise will not only relieve stress but also helps you feel sexier and increases your self-esteem.
Compromise: We all want things our own way and there is a tendency by some to villainize those who either don’t agree with us and or those who are unwilling participants in accepting our ideas or interests. While love is sometimes confused temporarily with lust or infatuation, true love reveals itself by your caring enough to reach a compromise.
Compassion: Love is about alignment yet in truth what love is most is compromise by both parties having compassion, with both willing to find a center point of caring and sharing a healthy loving relationship.
Practicing the art of forgiveness
Forgiving your spouse is a way of saying that you know nobody is perfect, including yourself, and that you understand everyone makes mistakes. Forgive, pick up where you left off and move on with life.